🎸 🎹Music

When Simba sang "I Just Can't Wait to be King" he was unknowingly wishing for his father to be dead.

You never realize how dirty a song is until you listen to it with a kid

Rappers pretend they have more money than the really do. Country Singers pretend that they have less money than they really do.

Guitarists are the only people allowed to finger minors.

Elvis Presley is getting a little too old to fake being dead.

People just consider other people's music taste as "good" when it largely overlaps with their own.

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🎸 Playing chopsticks on guitar

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Country/pop song: "dot c a"

🖋 📚 📖Words Language books Grammar

'Slang' is a colloquial word for 'colloquial word'.

"Wussy" is the pussy way of saying pussy.

The Bible holds the record for being the object of the longest running book club where community members meet to share their views on single book.

Telling someone it's 9 "oh" 5 sounds totally normal, but saying 9 "zero" 5 sounds crazy.

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Shapiro-- like the animal S- for shapiro H for hapiro P for papiro

That travelling couple criminals: romeo + juliet

LL laugh loudly (lol

Having the initials NA must be confusing when initialing documents

🗺🗽🗼 International Global Countries Flags

Mexicans are stereotyped as both taking all the jobs and doing no work at all.

Because of the one-child policy in China, the next generation will have no first cousins.

Someone that is of Icelandic and Cuban descent is an ice cube

Flags are profile pics for countries

🚪 🛋 🛏 🛌 🖼 House Items Home

Only half of escalators escalate

Neither the word 'elevator' or 'lift' imply that they also go down.

Microwaves should count up after the timer ends. So I know how long the item has been cooling.

Cleaning the house while your kids are still home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.

If you step on a person's foot they open their mouths, just like trash cans.

If your front door has a mail slot, then you live in a mailbox.

Socks are just portable carpets.

🛌👟 Making the bed is like tying your shoes after taking them off

Cleaning is basically relocating dirt

Almost all mirrors are sold as "used"

It's strange that there is a setting on your toaster to completely burn the bread.

All stairs are wheelchair accessible if you're going down

Bathtubs are reverse boats

The fence that encloses the smallest area in the world also encloses the largest.

It's 2018 and you can't unpress an elevator button.

Every time you use a lighter it becomes a little lighter

💊 💉 🚬Drugs / Alcohol / Smoking / Cigarettes 🚬🍺 🍻 🥂 🍷

Dropping your beer as an adult is the same as letting go of your balloon as a child.

I mostly use my driver's license to buy stuff that impairs my ability to drive.

🚭 Someone trying to quit biting their nails is like a smoker trying to quit, but while walking around with a pack of cigarettes in each hand 24/7.

Do amputees have a lower alcohol tolerance?

☠ The dose makes the poison

Sometimes the only difference between dedication and addiction is whether whatever one is doing is socially acceptable or not.

The real gateway drug is alcohol because it removes your inhibitions and you'll be much more likely to try something stupid

There’s no 3-second rule after dropping a cigarette because the stuff inside is worse than whatever was on the ground.