A date is like a two-way interview where both the people are trying to get hired while evaluating whether to hire the other person or not.
Q You're pretty attractive...for a beautiful woman -CAddyshack
smoothest thing to say to girl: "Hi my friend over there is shy and he was wondering if you think I'm cute."
Emotionally, you can only get hurt by people you care about. Others just piss you off.
🤗 wanna do a two-person hug?
There is an unspoken rule that when you don’t understand what someone said you just have to pretend like you understood after saying “what?” two or three times
Going back to your ex is like reheating McDonalds fries
A successful marriage ends with watching the other person die.
Marriage is essentially a never ending sleepover.
Having a breakup can cause you to have a breakdown
Opposite of cock block is beaver dam
🐠 The female equivalent of sausage fest should be called a fish market.
☯️ Interracial 69 should be called yin and yang
Deciding to date your best friend is like betting double or nothing
Condom companies are ruining their business in upcoming decades.
'Ladies' Night' is just another example of the principle "If it's free, then you're the product not the customer"
🚀 In space reverse cowgirl and doggy are the same thing
It is widely accepted that you should have another job lined up before quitting your current job. This same concept does not apply to relationships.
👦 👧 Most guys will bend over backwards for a girl that will bend over forwards for them.
We use sex to sell anything and everything. But buying or selling actual sex is illegal.
The use of birth control by responsible people is slowly replacing the human race with irresponsible people who get pregnant unintentionally.
You break my heart.you buy it
The Queen of England has been ejaculated in.
From Reddit (attractive girl): I would suck her dad's dick just to get a taste of the recipe
Looking for a relationship when you’re lonely is like grocery shopping when you’re hungry. It’s easy to be tempted to bring home unfulfilling, unhealthy junk.
Tofu and Dildos are both considered meat alternatives.
Bad things to say on date:
Q "I'm torn on abortions. I'm all in favor of killing babies, but then you're giving women a choice."
worst thing to say on date: "I think everyone should be treated equally. No homo tho."
Bad things to say on date:
Q "I'm torn on abortions. I'm all in favor of killing babies, but then you're giving women a choice."
worst thing to say on date: "I think everyone should be treated equally. No homo tho."
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I don't kiss n fuck
Bj: can get mouth pregnant (Bruno)
Hooker pays me on opposite day
📅 Break up: you dumped me on mothers day?? You sick fuck
Ladies first... Because I like to look at bum
👧 Virginity story: embarrasses my sister
Have you done sexing?
Have you done sexing?
"That fucker gets more pussy than a toilet seat (lost highway)
Nickname Tinder username. Urlesbianifswipeleft
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