If Microsoft keeps counting with their editions of Windows, they will eventually end back up at 95.
Thanks to cell phones, most people are essentially using pocket watches again.
Humans are a super AI invented by mother nature and now we are slowly destroying our creator, the exact thing we are afraid of happening with computer AI today.
Go to bed, you’ll feel better in the morning; is the human version of 'Did you turn it off and turn it back on again?
Getting a virus from watching porn is your computer catching an STD
An empty browser history is more suspicious than a filled one
The tone I interpret from a text is the reflection of my own insecurities with that person.
Making a typo in an online argument is the equivalent of voice cracking in a verbal argument.
If internet explorer is brave enough to ask to be your default browser, you're brave enough to ask that girl out.
Puberty is the Biological form of forced updates.
Typing your password is like serving in tennis. The first attempt you try to smash it with fuck-off-record-breaker speed. If that doesn't work you go again more carefully, but it's still fast to the casual observer.
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
💀👻 Death
If the zombie apocalypse ever happens, some of the zombies would be wearing Walking Dead t-shirts.
How long does someone have to be dead before its considered Archaeology instead of grave robbing?
Shadowbanned users are like ghosts of redditors, they try to communicate with us but can't, we feel their presence and most of the times they don't even know they are shadowbanned.
It would be ironic for someone to die in a living room.
One day you'll either wake up and never go back to sleep, or go to sleep and never wake up again
There are only two days in our lives that aren't 24 hours long.
what if when you die, the light at the end of the tunnel, is actually the opening to another Vagina?
How long does someone have to be dead before its considered Archaeology instead of grave robbing?
Shadowbanned users are like ghosts of redditors, they try to communicate with us but can't, we feel their presence and most of the times they don't even know they are shadowbanned.
It would be ironic for someone to die in a living room.
One day you'll either wake up and never go back to sleep, or go to sleep and never wake up again
There are only two days in our lives that aren't 24 hours long.
what if when you die, the light at the end of the tunnel, is actually the opening to another Vagina?
💀 A man ends his own life when the terrors life outweigh the terrors of death / freakonomics
Friday, June 17, 2016
💅💄 Grooming / Makeup / haircut / barber / hygiene
💅 Nail polish is lipstick for deaf people
💅 Makeup is allowed in beauty pageants yet steroids aren't allowed in sports
💇 The longer you wait for a haircut the better deal you getting
Lies are like makeup for your personality
When a bald person washes their face, how far up do they go?
The only place it's not weird to compliment your own hair is at the hair salon.
Brushing your teeth is probably the only time that you are washing your skull.
💅 Makeup is allowed in beauty pageants yet steroids aren't allowed in sports
💇 The longer you wait for a haircut the better deal you getting
Lies are like makeup for your personality
When a bald person washes their face, how far up do they go?
The only place it's not weird to compliment your own hair is at the hair salon.
Brushing your teeth is probably the only time that you are washing your skull.
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
🐘🐋🐊🐆 Animals
👮🕷 cops are like spiders...they defend us from bad, but we fear them all based on a few stories
🐎 Mules do everything half assed
🐽Pigs basically just convert vegetables into bacon.
Cats fixing their fur after we pet them is the same as kids wiping off kisses.
Mosquitoes are essentially used, flying, dirty needles
A duck only has to meow once for you to question every quack
Pets are the 1% of the animal world
Fishing is the underwater equivalent of Alien abduction
Humans relax to the sounds of birds screaming for sex.
horses runs on its fingernails
🐎 Mules do everything half assed
🐽Pigs basically just convert vegetables into bacon.
Cats fixing their fur after we pet them is the same as kids wiping off kisses.
😻 Cat name: titty
Mosquitoes are essentially used, flying, dirty needles
A duck only has to meow once for you to question every quack
Pets are the 1% of the animal world
Fishing is the underwater equivalent of Alien abduction
Humans relax to the sounds of birds screaming for sex.
horses runs on its fingernails
If we domesticated bears as we did wolves we would have real teddy bears.
Rhinos evolved to grow a horn for protection, but it's what's making them go extinct
If there’s a spider in your house and there’s a ton of mosquitos, well you’re the bait
Do Dolphins whales have milk teets
🌜🌏🌞 Space / Cosmos / Planets / sun / aliens
🌜 Our moon doesn't have a name.
🚀 In space reverse cowgirl and doggy are the same thing
Aliens first invaded the moon on July 20 1969
Fishing is the underwater equivalent of Alien abduction
Your age is just the number of laps you've done around a giant gaseous fireball
Maybe we are the alien species that colonizes planets, kills everything in its way and consumes all its resources.
Solar energy is just nuclear energy at a safe distance
🚀 In space reverse cowgirl and doggy are the same thing
Aliens first invaded the moon on July 20 1969
Fishing is the underwater equivalent of Alien abduction
Your age is just the number of laps you've done around a giant gaseous fireball
Maybe we are the alien species that colonizes planets, kills everything in its way and consumes all its resources.
Solar energy is just nuclear energy at a safe distance
👀👂 Blind / Deaf
I wonder how long it would have taken us to realize that there were stars and galaxies if we had evolved without eyes.
✋ Are there puns and clever wordplay in sign language?
👂 Deaf people probably don't understand why farts are funny
Some young deaf teenagers are watching porn with the volume on full blast and have no idea
There must be a portion of deaf people that don’t know gifs are silent
✋ Are there puns and clever wordplay in sign language?
👂 Deaf people probably don't understand why farts are funny
Some young deaf teenagers are watching porn with the volume on full blast and have no idea
There must be a portion of deaf people that don’t know gifs are silent
👗🎹 🎥 Art / Fashion / Cinema / Music
Cross-stitching is pixel art for old people.
GIFs are bringing us back to the era of silent film
If I ever release an album, I will title it "Greatest Hits, Vol II" so people would wonder why they haven't heard of me before.
If I was invisible for a day I would go beat up a mime
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every six months ... (Oscar Wilde )
Skirts are just butt curtains.
Bras are measured in cups because boobs have milk in them.
GIFs are bringing us back to the era of silent film
If I ever release an album, I will title it "Greatest Hits, Vol II" so people would wonder why they haven't heard of me before.
If I was invisible for a day I would go beat up a mime
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every six months ... (Oscar Wilde )
Skirts are just butt curtains.
Bras are measured in cups because boobs have milk in them.
🌈🌈 Gay
Homosexuality is older than the bible, the guy writing it had to know about such a thing before complaining about it.
What if homosexuality is a product of evolution and is becoming more prevalent as the population grows because it acts as a mechanism for preventing the population from rapidly growing?
What if homosexuality is a product of evolution and is becoming more prevalent as the population grows because it acts as a mechanism for preventing the population from rapidly growing?
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
💵 💴 💶 Money $
Wealthy man is one that earns $100 more than wifes sisters husband
Cynic : someone who knows the price of everything but not the value (oscar wilde)
Cynic : someone who knows the price of everything but not the value (oscar wilde)
👄👅👃 Body \ nude
Stripteases are just erotic unboxing videos.
At the end of your mouth is your anus.
Our fingers are slowly printing our nails.
Bras are measured in cups because boobs have milk in them.
Our bodies are advertisements for our sperms/eggs.
I am nine months older than my age
A period is like a person tearing down their party decorations in a rage because no one came.
Short people are less likely to break their phone when they drop it
Puberty is the Biological form of forced updates.
Watching a birth in reverse would be horrifying.
Having a sex change from male to female literally takes balls.
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
Tall people feel rain first
Decapitation isn't cutting a person's head off, it's cutting a person's body off.
Your age is just the number of laps you've done around a giant gaseous fireball
If you step on a person's foot they open their mouths, just like trash cans.
There is about one boob per person in the world
On average, human beings have one testicle.
Making a typo in an online argument is the equivalent of voice cracking in a verbal argument.
What if you censor female nipples with male nipples?
Fat people have more skin than skinny people. Shouldn't 'skinny' be a term used to describe fat people?
Your ass is your leg's shoulder.
Our bodies are advertisements for our sperms/eggs.
naked men fears no pickpockets
If you swallow fake vomit and throw it up, does it become real vomit?
☀ 🍖 Tan lines are like grill marks for humans
Belly buttons are amazing; can't believe babies come out of them
When a man tells me he doesn't drink, I assume he's a recovering alcoholic. When a woman tells me, I assume she's pregnant.
“Fat ass” was an insult 20 years ago. Today, “flat ass” is an insult.
💩 It was the colur of poo
Kidney stones are human pearls
👃👂 Nose-earring
Bras are measured in cups because boobs have milk in them.
Our bodies are advertisements for our sperms/eggs.
I am nine months older than my age
A period is like a person tearing down their party decorations in a rage because no one came.
Short people are less likely to break their phone when they drop it
Puberty is the Biological form of forced updates.
Watching a birth in reverse would be horrifying.
Having a sex change from male to female literally takes balls.
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
Tall people feel rain first
Decapitation isn't cutting a person's head off, it's cutting a person's body off.
Your age is just the number of laps you've done around a giant gaseous fireball
If you step on a person's foot they open their mouths, just like trash cans.
There is about one boob per person in the world
On average, human beings have one testicle.
Making a typo in an online argument is the equivalent of voice cracking in a verbal argument.
What if you censor female nipples with male nipples?
Fat people have more skin than skinny people. Shouldn't 'skinny' be a term used to describe fat people?
Your ass is your leg's shoulder.
Our bodies are advertisements for our sperms/eggs.
naked men fears no pickpockets
If you swallow fake vomit and throw it up, does it become real vomit?
☀ 🍖 Tan lines are like grill marks for humans
Belly buttons are amazing; can't believe babies come out of them
When a man tells me he doesn't drink, I assume he's a recovering alcoholic. When a woman tells me, I assume she's pregnant.
“Fat ass” was an insult 20 years ago. Today, “flat ass” is an insult.
💩 It was the colur of poo
Kidney stones are human pearls
👃👂 Nose-earring
The brain is our most intelligent organ, according to the brain
(reddit) - errect: I was harder than calculus
Telling someone they look better with a beard is basically saying they look better the less you can see their face.
Bathwater is just human tea
Small people tend to save more on soap
Nudists don't have private parts
Let us all take a moment to appreciate that our internal organs don't itchFor a tree, a forest is like a crowded city, and a city is like a rural area.
The atoms that make up our bodies are not ours, but merely being borrowed
👃 Everything smells a little like nose.
(reddit) - errect: I was harder than calculus
Telling someone they look better with a beard is basically saying they look better the less you can see their face.
Bathwater is just human tea
Small people tend to save more on soap
Nudists don't have private parts
Let us all take a moment to appreciate that our internal organs don't itchFor a tree, a forest is like a crowded city, and a city is like a rural area.
The atoms that make up our bodies are not ours, but merely being borrowed
👃 Everything smells a little like nose.
//
Snap chat filter for penis
///
"Pussies don't like dicks because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes. Assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck a asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate. And it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves. Because pussies are a inch and half away from assholes. I don't know much about this crazy crazy world, but I do know this. If you don't let us fuck this asshole we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit." (reddit)
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